HOW WELL DO WE TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES?

Written by: Dr. Brett Sparks, Licensed Psychologist, Certified Intensive Lead Therapist, National Institute of Marriage

A few months ago, we ran an online survey that asked people to rate how well they believe they are taking care of themselves physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. We would like to say thank you to the 750 folks who took the time to complete the survey.  Below is a summary of the results of that survey.

Here is some information about who took the survey:

• Of the 750 total respondents, 74% were women.  
• Nearly three quarters of those responding to the survey were between the ages of 30 and 49 (73%).   
• 90% were married.  Of those married, 69% were in their first marriage, 23% in their second, 4% in their third, and 4% had been married more than 3 times.  
• 68% had never used any materials, services or other resources through NIM.  
• 54% described as “completely dissatisfied” or “not happy” with their marriage.  27% said they were “happy” or “completely satisfied” with their marriage.  
• 75% of the respondents had more than one child.  13% had no children.

Now let’s take a look at how well folks said they were doing in regard to self-care.  Respondents were asked to rate themselves on a 10-point scale as to how well they were doing in caring for themselves.  A rating of 1-3 indicated poor self-care, 4-6 indicated limited self-care, and 7-10 indicated good self-care.  709 people responded to the self-care items.

Physical:

• One quarter of all respondents rated themselves as doing good physical self-care.  
• 29% said they do poor physical self-care.  
• Fewer women rated themselves as doing good self-care than men (21% to 28%).   
• Fewer married respondents rated themselves as doing good physical self-care than unmarried respondents (23% to 43%).   
• Respondents without children were more likely to rate themselves as doing good self-care than those with one to four children (33% to 23%). 

Spiritual:

• Just over half of all respondents rated themselves as doing good spiritual self-care.  
• 7% said they do poor spiritual self-care.  
• Women and men rated themselves similarly.  
• Fewer married respondents rated themselves as doing good self-care than unmarried respondents (52% to 63%).  
• Respondents without children tended to rate themselves higher at doing good self care than those with one to four children (51% to 58%).  

Mental:

• 61% of all respondents rated themselves as doing good mental self-care.  
• 6% said they do poor mental self-care.  
• Women and men rated themselves similarly.  
• Fewer married respondents rated themselves as doing good mental self-care than unmarried respondents (60% to 72%).  
• Slightly more respondents without children rated themselves as doing good mental self-care than those with one to four children (63 to 61).  

Emotional:

• 38% of all respondents rated themselves as doing good emotional self-care.  
• 17% said they do poor emotional self-care.  
• Women rated themselves only slightly higher than men (37% to 33%).  
• Fewer married respondents rated themselves as doing good physical self-care than unmarried respondents (37% to 49%).  
• More respondents without children rated themselves as doing good emotional self-care than those with one to four children (42 to 37).  

Summary:

Overall, those who took the survey were doing pretty well with mental and spiritual self-care.  However, the picture was not as pretty when it came to physical and emotional self-care.  Somewhat surprisingly physical self-care was the area that had the fewest people doing a good job and the most doing a poor job.  With our cultural emphasis on healthy appearance, it was amazing that we may not do as well as we would like to think.  It could be that in our day and age so much emphasis is put on being healthy physically that it may be overwhelming to live up to the set standards.  Excessive busyness and perceived lack of time may be a factor that keeps us from exercising, eating well, or resting.  Perhaps there are personal (work stress, lack of motivation, etc.) or emotional (such as depression or anxiety) reasons that limit physical self-care.  Whatever the reason, physical self-care is lagging behind the other areas and we might be neglecting the tremendous individual as well as relational benefits that can come from exercising, eating well and getting the rest we need.

Here at NIM we have long thought that emotional self-care would be the most problematic.  Take care of oneself emotionally is not something you learn to do in school and often is not well taught at home either.  Nonetheless, we do know that emotions that are not well cared for, especially anger, can lead to serious health, relationship, and other problems.  It is important to recognize how important our emotions are and that they are valuable sources of information for us.

Perhaps not as surprising was that married respondents reported doing less well at self-care than unmarrieds.  Similarly, people with children tended to rate themselves lower on self-care than those without children.  When we have others around us, we do have to learn ways to exist in those relationships as well as to make sure that we are cared for as well.   While it is not surprising, the neglecting of ourselves could be detrimental for our various relationships and could impact other areas of our lives as well. 

We believe strongly that it is in everyone’s best interest to make sure that you are doing a good job at taking care of your whole self which includes heart, soul, mind and strength.  Let us encourage you to consider that if you are operating from a place of emptiness then you won’t have much to give.  Instead consider filling yourself and out of your overflow you will have much to give.  It does not constitute selfishness when you care for yourself in a way that takes the Lord, others, and you into account. 

For more information consider viewing some of our website articles and the DNA of Relationships and coming soon, The DNA of Relationships for Couples. 

Note: Please keep in mind that definitive conclusions should not be based on the results of this survey.  The information given here is merely descriptive and is intended to inform and perhaps generate ideas for further study.  It is not intended to stand alone as scientific study.