Fear Cycle

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The fear cycle is a user friendly tool developed by the NIM clinical team.  It was designed to help a couple identify the dynamics of their relational distress as well as empower the couple towards change.  The fear cycle is characterized by a pattern of fear and reacting.  It is assumed that each spouse possesses a unique set a fears.  Many of the fears stem from early relational hurts, before and after marriage.  Because of the threat or experience of relational pain, a person will often react in ways that distract from the fear.  A classic case would be the man that fears being controlled so he becomes withdrawn.  Meanwhile he is married to a woman who fears abandonment.  When she senses it, she will pursue.  Thus, the cycle is in full motion and couples often feel stuck.

The first step is to help the couple identify what is happening.  Next is to help the couple determine what they have within their control.  Rather than trying to get one’s spouse to change, admit fault, or apologize, each spouse is challenged to consider their role in the exchange the lasting impact it has on the relationship.  The last step is to challenge a couple to find a place of compassion for their spouse’s fear or hurt.  This is primarily done through newly learned communication skills. 

*For more in-depth discussion of the fear cycle, personal responsibility and communication see DNA of Relationships, DNA for Couples, and Finding Ever After.                                            

Heart Talk/ICU  Communication

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Heart Talk is a variation of reflective listening.  Couples often focus on “who’s right and who’s wrong, who’s at fault, what really happened, and how are we going to solve the problem.”  At first glance these questions are reasonable but they are often unproductive.  The challenge for the couple is to adopt an attitude of caring resulting in a greater level of understanding.

Educational Opportunities

Post Conference Training

The objective of the Post-Conference Training event is to equip the Church leadership, Christian Counselors, and Small Group leaders with the fundamental principles of building healthy marriages. This event takes the principles introduced in the Marriage Enrichment Conference, and then shows simple and powerful ways these principles can be used to help couples who are struggling. Different interventions and strategies will be discussed, in addition to addressing questions regarding the material presented.

With this knowledge and training your community can continue to provide many of the tools and skills we find useful in helping relationships in need become marriages that are a testimony to Christ’s desire to foster great relationships.  The training is powerful yet practical, and offers the foundation of what is real and relevant in marriages today.

This is a three hour training that is generally scheduled on Saturday following the Marriage Enrichment Conference from 2:00– 5:00 PM.  Our target attendance at this seminar is anyone who is involved in ministering to other couples, professional counselors, pastoral leadership, lay leaders etc.  Attendance at this event should be capped at 100 people.

Marriage 911: First Response

The Marriage 911: First Response is a program designed to support a separated couple or those that are considering separation.  Participation in the program is not contingent on both spouses.  The program offers a structured curriculum that is designed to provide stability, accountability and structure to the emotional upheaval common to separation.  Training includes the rationale for this type of program as well as provides a church/community with a working model for implementation.  To learn more about implementing and hosting a Marriage 911: First Response program in your local community,  click here and fill out our short contact form.