» View all Book Reviews THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Gary Chapman Anyone interested in improving their marriage could benefit greatly from reading The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman.  I consider this book to be a staple for married couples, and have personally experienced positive results in my own marriage from implementing the concepts. Chapman claims that though all humans long to be loved, our love language may be different from the love language of our spouse.  In this book, he explains specifically how this relates to married couples.  He describes how many people make the mistake of attempting to care for their spouse in the same way they want to be cared for.  The problem is that what is often most meaningful to one spouse is not necessarily most meaningful to another.  The five love languages that Chapman describes in the book are: Words of Affirmation.  These are words that are uplifting and meaningful.  It may be compliments or statements of encouragement.  Receiving Gifts.  These may cost money, but may not.   Gifts would involve someone buying, making, or finding a gift or object for their spouse. Quality Time.  This usually involves doing things together.  It could involve going out to eat, going on walks, exercising, trips, etc. Acts of Service.  This is anything you do to relieve your spouse of his/her work/responsibility.  It could involve housecleaning, washing your spouse’s car, making your spouse a cup of coffee, etc.  Physical Touch.  This could be sexual, but could also be simply holding hands, cuddling, kissing, touching, etc. Here’s how this works.  A wife, for example, may feel most loved when her husband helps around the house.  Because “acts of service” would be her love language, she may spend a lot of time doing things (like cooking nice meals, mowing the lawn, doing his laundry, etc.) for her husband, assuming that these things are making him feel tremendously loved by her.  And if his love language is also “acts of service” he probably does.  If, however, his primary love language is “quality time,” and “acts of service is at the bottom of his list, he may be frustrated that his wife spends all her time doing things around the house when she could be going places with him (like out to movies, out to eat, going to play tennis together, etc.).  And instead of the wife being appreciative that the husband wants to spend time with her, she is probably frustrated that he doesn’t seem to care enough about her to help her with all her household responsibilities so that she can go do things with him.  It is extremely helpful to know both your own love language as well as your spouse’s.  If you want your spouse to feel loved by you, it just makes sense to do the things that would be most meaningful to him/her, rather than spending a lot of time and energy on things aren’t going to matter as much to your spouse.  It’s also helpful to understand your own love language so that you can help your spouse understand what things are most meaningful to you.  This book helps you work smarter, rather than harder, in your marriage.  I would recommend this book is for any marriage. Whether you want to enhance an already great marriage, or are attempting to breathe life into one that is bordering on death, it’s a great book.  It’s easy to read, has great stories, and should provoke a lot of great thought for introspection into your own marriage. Written by: Tricia Cunningham, MA, LPC, Director of Support Resources, National Institute of Marriage » View all Book Reviews