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FROM BONDAGE TO BONDING, Nancy Groom
Have you ever felt like your relationships are draining more than life giving? Do you feel as if what ever you do in relationships, it is never enough? Do you experience an ongoing level of self-doubt or anxiety as you consider your most important relationships? What happens when others are not happy with you, do you get busy to convince them otherwise? Does it feel like others are controlling your life but you’ve been told that you’re controlling? If so, you might be struggling with co-dependency and From Bondage to Bonding could be a great resource for you.
Nancy Groom does a thorough job with describing what co-dependency is, how it originated and why it becomes an entrenched style of relating to others. She challenges the reader to consider how co-dependency has robbed one of the beauty and freedom to acknowledge longings, opportunities to grieve, be spontaneous, experience grace, surrender, forgive and be vulnerable. The content of her writings are rich because she weaves in a solid biblical perspective as well as her story of healing. The path towards healing is presented linearly but it is obvious by the author’s transparency that healing is experienced as a “process”. She presents healing as the ability and willingness to love without control and manipulation. The end result is the experience of intimacy with God, self, and others.
Though this is a great resource for a person journeying away from co-dependency, a reader must be prepared to read this book over a period of time. It is not an “easy read”. The author is straight forward and can be hard hitting at times. She writes with great passion for those bound in this way of life. To get the most out of this book, I recommend the reader take it slow and be in continued prayer and reflection.
For anyone that has been through a NIM Intensive or conference, some of our positions may seem to clash with the author's. This is especially true with self-protection and safety. At NIM, we discuss protecting/guarding one’s heart as part of good self-care. In providing adequate protection, care, nurture for our hearts, one can give to others from a state of fullness. Self-protection is presented in this book in a negative context. Self-protection is about self-sufficiency, denial of needs, perfectionism, isolation and risk free. This is the same for the term “safe”. At NIM we encourage people to build safety into their relationships so the couple can risk being vulnerable. Within the context of this book, “safe” is about pretending and/or covering painful truth. In the end, the terms are defined differently but the spirit of what we are saying is the same. In order to experience intimacy, people must be able to risk being open. What helps us to risk vulnerability is to be personally responsible for our well-being and to depend on Christ’s grace, model, leadership and love.
Written by: Christine Arnzen, MA, LPC, Director of Training and Professional Development
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